Understanding
Self-harm
Understanding and addressing deliberate self-injury and the underlying emotional pain it represents
Understanding
Self-harm
Understanding and addressing deliberate self-injury and the underlying emotional pain it represents
Understanding
Self-harm
Understanding and addressing deliberate self-injury and the underlying emotional pain it represents
What does self-harm feel like?
Living with self-harm urges means experiencing intense emotional pain that feels impossible to express or manage through words alone, leading to deliberate injury as a way to cope with overwhelming feelings. The act often provides temporary relief from emotional numbness, anxiety, anger, or despair, creating a cycle where physical pain becomes a familiar way to process difficult emotions. This creates profound shame and secrecy, as individuals often hide their injuries whilst struggling with conflicting feelings of relief and regret.
The experience involves feeling trapped between wanting to stop and needing the release that self-harm provides, often accompanied by intense guilt about causing worry to loved ones. Many people describe feeling misunderstood, as others may view self-harm as attention-seeking rather than recognising it as a genuine coping mechanism for unbearable emotional distress.
Common Symptoms
Unexplained cuts, scratches, or burns on body
Wearing long sleeves or trousers in warm weather
Finding excuses for injuries when questioned
Keeping sharp objects or other harmful items accessible
Emotional numbness followed by intense feelings
Shame and secrecy around behaviours
Difficulty expressing emotions verbally
Relief followed by guilt after self-harming
What does self-harm feel like?
Living with self-harm urges means experiencing intense emotional pain that feels impossible to express or manage through words alone, leading to deliberate injury as a way to cope with overwhelming feelings. The act often provides temporary relief from emotional numbness, anxiety, anger, or despair, creating a cycle where physical pain becomes a familiar way to process difficult emotions. This creates profound shame and secrecy, as individuals often hide their injuries whilst struggling with conflicting feelings of relief and regret.
The experience involves feeling trapped between wanting to stop and needing the release that self-harm provides, often accompanied by intense guilt about causing worry to loved ones. Many people describe feeling misunderstood, as others may view self-harm as attention-seeking rather than recognising it as a genuine coping mechanism for unbearable emotional distress.
Common Symptoms
Unexplained cuts, scratches, or burns on body
Wearing long sleeves or trousers in warm weather
Finding excuses for injuries when questioned
Keeping sharp objects or other harmful items accessible
Emotional numbness followed by intense feelings
Shame and secrecy around behaviours
Difficulty expressing emotions verbally
Relief followed by guilt after self-harming
What does self-harm feel like?
Living with self-harm urges means experiencing intense emotional pain that feels impossible to express or manage through words alone, leading to deliberate injury as a way to cope with overwhelming feelings. The act often provides temporary relief from emotional numbness, anxiety, anger, or despair, creating a cycle where physical pain becomes a familiar way to process difficult emotions. This creates profound shame and secrecy, as individuals often hide their injuries whilst struggling with conflicting feelings of relief and regret.
The experience involves feeling trapped between wanting to stop and needing the release that self-harm provides, often accompanied by intense guilt about causing worry to loved ones. Many people describe feeling misunderstood, as others may view self-harm as attention-seeking rather than recognising it as a genuine coping mechanism for unbearable emotional distress.
Common Symptoms
Unexplained cuts, scratches, or burns on body
Wearing long sleeves or trousers in warm weather
Finding excuses for injuries when questioned
Keeping sharp objects or other harmful items accessible
Emotional numbness followed by intense feelings
Shame and secrecy around behaviours
Difficulty expressing emotions verbally
Relief followed by guilt after self-harming
History of Self-harm
From character weakness to recognised psychological concern requiring support
1930s
Early psychiatric literature begins documenting self-injurious behaviours, often misclassifying them as purely attention-seeking or manipulative actions
1980s
Research begins recognising self-harm as a coping mechanism rather than suicidal behaviour, leading to better understanding of underlying emotional regulation difficulties
2000s
Mental health professionals develop specialised therapeutic approaches, with increased awareness of self-harm prevalence among adolescents and young adults
Present
Modern understanding recognises self-harm as a complex behaviour requiring compassionate, evidence-based treatment focused on developing healthier coping strategies
History of Self-harm
From character weakness to recognised psychological concern requiring support
1930s
Early psychiatric literature begins documenting self-injurious behaviours, often misclassifying them as purely attention-seeking or manipulative actions
1980s
Research begins recognising self-harm as a coping mechanism rather than suicidal behaviour, leading to better understanding of underlying emotional regulation difficulties
2000s
Mental health professionals develop specialised therapeutic approaches, with increased awareness of self-harm prevalence among adolescents and young adults
Present
Modern understanding recognises self-harm as a complex behaviour requiring compassionate, evidence-based treatment focused on developing healthier coping strategies
History of Self-harm
From character weakness to recognised psychological concern requiring support
1930s
Early psychiatric literature begins documenting self-injurious behaviours, often misclassifying them as purely attention-seeking or manipulative actions
1980s
Research begins recognising self-harm as a coping mechanism rather than suicidal behaviour, leading to better understanding of underlying emotional regulation difficulties
2000s
Mental health professionals develop specialised therapeutic approaches, with increased awareness of self-harm prevalence among adolescents and young adults
Present
Modern understanding recognises self-harm as a complex behaviour requiring compassionate, evidence-based treatment focused on developing healthier coping strategies
Take our free self-test
Take our free self-test
Take a short self-test to see if counselling might make a difference.
Take a short self-test to see if counselling might make a difference.
Instructions
Answer the questions based on the last few weeks. Choose the option that fits best. You’ll see your results at the end.
This short self-test explores whether therapy could be helpful for you right now. It isn’t a diagnosis, but it can help you decide next steps.
Instructions
Answer the questions based on the last few weeks. Choose the option that fits best. You’ll see your results at the end.
This short self-test explores whether therapy could be helpful for you right now. It isn’t a diagnosis, but it can help you decide next steps.
Instructions
Answer the questions based on the last few weeks. Choose the option that fits best. You’ll see your results at the end.
This short self-test explores whether therapy could be helpful for you right now. It isn’t a diagnosis, but it can help you decide next steps.
How therapy can help
Therapy for self-harm focuses on understanding the underlying emotions driving the behaviour whilst developing alternative coping strategies that provide relief without causing physical harm. Approaches like Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) teach distress tolerance and emotional regulation skills, whilst Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) helps identify triggers and develop healthier thought patterns. Therapists work collaboratively to explore the function self-harm serves and gradually replace it with safer alternatives.
Treatment emphasises building a strong therapeutic relationship where individuals feel safe to discuss their struggles without judgement. Many people find significant reduction in self-harm urges within months of beginning therapy, as they develop a toolkit of healthy coping mechanisms and improved emotional awareness.
Benefits of Therapy
Learning healthy emotional regulation techniques
Developing alternative coping strategies
Understanding triggers and warning signs
Building self-compassion and reducing shame
Improving communication about difficult emotions
Strengthening relationships and support systems
Reducing frequency and intensity of self-harm urgesnfidence through graduated exposure to challenges
Creating personalised safety and crisis plans
Frequently Asked Questions
Understanding self-harm and the path to recovery
Why do people self-harm if it's not about suicide?
Self-harm serves different purposes than suicidal behaviour, often providing emotional release, helping people feel something when numb, punishing themselves, or communicating distress they cannot express in words. It's typically about coping with life rather than ending it.
How can I support someone who self-harms?
Listen without judgement, avoid giving ultimatums about stopping, encourage professional help, and focus on understanding their emotional needs rather than just the behaviour. Show consistent care whilst maintaining appropriate boundaries.
Is it possible to stop self-harming completely?
Yes, many people successfully stop self-harming with appropriate support and alternative coping strategies. Recovery often involves setbacks, but with therapy and support, individuals can develop healthier ways to manage difficult emotions.
When should someone seek immediate help for self-harm?
Seek immediate help if injuries require medical attention, if there are suicidal thoughts alongside self-harm, if the behaviour is escalating in frequency or severity, or if the person feels completely unable to stay safe.
How therapy can help
Therapy for self-harm focuses on understanding the underlying emotions driving the behaviour whilst developing alternative coping strategies that provide relief without causing physical harm. Approaches like Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) teach distress tolerance and emotional regulation skills, whilst Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) helps identify triggers and develop healthier thought patterns. Therapists work collaboratively to explore the function self-harm serves and gradually replace it with safer alternatives.
Treatment emphasises building a strong therapeutic relationship where individuals feel safe to discuss their struggles without judgement. Many people find significant reduction in self-harm urges within months of beginning therapy, as they develop a toolkit of healthy coping mechanisms and improved emotional awareness.
Benefits of Therapy
Learning healthy emotional regulation techniques
Developing alternative coping strategies
Understanding triggers and warning signs
Building self-compassion and reducing shame
Improving communication about difficult emotions
Strengthening relationships and support systems
Reducing frequency and intensity of self-harm urgesnfidence through graduated exposure to challenges
Creating personalised safety and crisis plans
Frequently Asked Questions
Understanding self-harm and the path to recovery
Why do people self-harm if it's not about suicide?
Self-harm serves different purposes than suicidal behaviour, often providing emotional release, helping people feel something when numb, punishing themselves, or communicating distress they cannot express in words. It's typically about coping with life rather than ending it.
How can I support someone who self-harms?
Listen without judgement, avoid giving ultimatums about stopping, encourage professional help, and focus on understanding their emotional needs rather than just the behaviour. Show consistent care whilst maintaining appropriate boundaries.
Is it possible to stop self-harming completely?
Yes, many people successfully stop self-harming with appropriate support and alternative coping strategies. Recovery often involves setbacks, but with therapy and support, individuals can develop healthier ways to manage difficult emotions.
When should someone seek immediate help for self-harm?
Seek immediate help if injuries require medical attention, if there are suicidal thoughts alongside self-harm, if the behaviour is escalating in frequency or severity, or if the person feels completely unable to stay safe.
How therapy can help
Therapy for self-harm focuses on understanding the underlying emotions driving the behaviour whilst developing alternative coping strategies that provide relief without causing physical harm. Approaches like Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) teach distress tolerance and emotional regulation skills, whilst Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) helps identify triggers and develop healthier thought patterns. Therapists work collaboratively to explore the function self-harm serves and gradually replace it with safer alternatives.
Treatment emphasises building a strong therapeutic relationship where individuals feel safe to discuss their struggles without judgement. Many people find significant reduction in self-harm urges within months of beginning therapy, as they develop a toolkit of healthy coping mechanisms and improved emotional awareness.
Benefits of Therapy
Learning healthy emotional regulation techniques
Developing alternative coping strategies
Understanding triggers and warning signs
Building self-compassion and reducing shame
Improving communication about difficult emotions
Strengthening relationships and support systems
Reducing frequency and intensity of self-harm urgesnfidence through graduated exposure to challenges
Creating personalised safety and crisis plans
Frequently Asked Questions
Understanding self-harm and the path to recovery
Why do people self-harm if it's not about suicide?
Self-harm serves different purposes than suicidal behaviour, often providing emotional release, helping people feel something when numb, punishing themselves, or communicating distress they cannot express in words. It's typically about coping with life rather than ending it.
How can I support someone who self-harms?
Listen without judgement, avoid giving ultimatums about stopping, encourage professional help, and focus on understanding their emotional needs rather than just the behaviour. Show consistent care whilst maintaining appropriate boundaries.
Is it possible to stop self-harming completely?
Yes, many people successfully stop self-harming with appropriate support and alternative coping strategies. Recovery often involves setbacks, but with therapy and support, individuals can develop healthier ways to manage difficult emotions.
When should someone seek immediate help for self-harm?
Seek immediate help if injuries require medical attention, if there are suicidal thoughts alongside self-harm, if the behaviour is escalating in frequency or severity, or if the person feels completely unable to stay safe.
Meet our Therapists
Meet our Therapists
Jayne Tamsett is a BACP accredited counsellor with a BA (Hons) in Counselling & Psychotherapy and over 4,700 clinical hours. She works with adults experiencing anxiety, trauma, depression, and relationship challenges. Her practice offers an inclusive and compassionate space where clients feel heard, understood, and supported in their personal growth
More
Adults (18+)
Waqas Maqsood is an integrative counsellor and registered member of the BACP with over 600 clinical hours. Holding an MA in Integrative Counselling and a BSc in Neuroscience, he offers a holistic, flexible approach that supports clients with anxiety, trauma, low self-esteem, and life transitions.
More
Adults (18+)
Victoria is a compassionate and down-to-earth therapist with an MSc in Counselling and Psychotherapy and more than 1,900 clinical hours of experience. A registered member of the BACP, she supports both individuals and couples, offering a warm, collaborative space to explore relationships, self-worth, anxiety, and personal growth in a supportive environment.
More
Adults (18+)
Couples
Matt is an integrative counsellor holding a Diploma in Integrative Counselling with experience delivering more than 500 clinical sessions. He combines counselling, mindfulness, and meditation techniques to support clients with anxiety, depression, trauma, self-esteem issues, and life transitions, helping people build resilience, clarity, and a stronger sense of emotional wellbeing.
More
Adults (18+)
At Manchester Counselling, we are pleased to introduce Grant Fairlie (MBACP), a counsellor with over 1,900 clinical hours and more than three years of practice. Grant brings a background in drama education and specialist experience supporting neurodiverse adults and adolescents.
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Adults (18+)
Introducing Andrea Szentgyorgyi, a UKCP-registered integrative psychotherapist with over 1,000 clinical hours. Andrea combines person-centred, solution-focused therapy with advanced techniques including hypnotherapy and EMDR, creating a tailored and flexible approach for each client. With 6 years of experience, she provides a safe and supportive space to explore challenges and promote lasting emotional wellbeing.
More
Adults (18+)
Jayne Tamsett is a BACP accredited counsellor with a BA (Hons) in Counselling & Psychotherapy and over 4,700 clinical hours. She works with adults experiencing anxiety, trauma, depression, and relationship challenges. Her practice offers an inclusive and compassionate space where clients feel heard, understood, and supported in their personal growth
More
Adults (18+)
Waqas Maqsood is an integrative counsellor and registered member of the BACP with over 600 clinical hours. Holding an MA in Integrative Counselling and a BSc in Neuroscience, he offers a holistic, flexible approach that supports clients with anxiety, trauma, low self-esteem, and life transitions.
More
Adults (18+)
Victoria is a compassionate and down-to-earth therapist with an MSc in Counselling and Psychotherapy and more than 1,900 clinical hours of experience. A registered member of the BACP, she supports both individuals and couples, offering a warm, collaborative space to explore relationships, self-worth, anxiety, and personal growth in a supportive environment.
More
Adults (18+)
Couples
Matt is an integrative counsellor holding a Diploma in Integrative Counselling with experience delivering more than 500 clinical sessions. He combines counselling, mindfulness, and meditation techniques to support clients with anxiety, depression, trauma, self-esteem issues, and life transitions, helping people build resilience, clarity, and a stronger sense of emotional wellbeing.
More
Adults (18+)
Jayne Tamsett is a BACP accredited counsellor with a BA (Hons) in Counselling & Psychotherapy and over 4,700 clinical hours. She works with adults experiencing anxiety, trauma, depression, and relationship challenges. Her practice offers an inclusive and compassionate space where clients feel heard, understood, and supported in their personal growth
More
Adults (18+)
Waqas Maqsood is an integrative counsellor and registered member of the BACP with over 600 clinical hours. Holding an MA in Integrative Counselling and a BSc in Neuroscience, he offers a holistic, flexible approach that supports clients with anxiety, trauma, low self-esteem, and life transitions.
More
Adults (18+)
Victoria is a compassionate and down-to-earth therapist with an MSc in Counselling and Psychotherapy and more than 1,900 clinical hours of experience. A registered member of the BACP, she supports both individuals and couples, offering a warm, collaborative space to explore relationships, self-worth, anxiety, and personal growth in a supportive environment.
More
Adults (18+)
Couples
Matt is an integrative counsellor holding a Diploma in Integrative Counselling with experience delivering more than 500 clinical sessions. He combines counselling, mindfulness, and meditation techniques to support clients with anxiety, depression, trauma, self-esteem issues, and life transitions, helping people build resilience, clarity, and a stronger sense of emotional wellbeing.
More
Adults (18+)