Manchester Counselling Editorial Team
INTRODUCTION
UNDERSTANDING WHAT BROKEN TRUST REALLY MEANS
Trust isn’t just about whether someone lied or cheated—it’s about whether you feel emotionally secure with them. When that security is fractured, the world can feel a little less safe.
Often, people underestimate the depth of the wound left by broken trust. It’s not just a past event to move on from—it changes the present. You might second-guess your partner’s words, notice yourself feeling unusually anxious or withdrawn, or even lose confidence in your own judgement.
A breach of trust destabilises the very foundation of emotional connection. According to a 2023 report by the Mental Health Foundation, repeated breaches of trust can trigger symptoms similar to trauma, including hypervigilance, avoidance, and emotional numbing.
It’s also important to acknowledge that rebuilding trust does not mean returning to the relationship exactly as it was. That version is gone. The task ahead is about creating something new—more transparent, more boundaried, and hopefully, more resilient.
THE ROLE OF BOUNDARIES IN THE REPAIR PROCESS
Boundaries are often misunderstood as barriers or punishments. But in the aftermath of broken trust, boundaries are bridges—they show you where safety begins again.
You might need a boundary around communication—deciding when, how, and about what topics you’re willing to engage. Or you might need space from certain behaviours: your partner checking your phone, making jokes that cut too close, or bringing up the past in ways that feel weaponised.
The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) emphasises that healthy boundaries help regulate emotional intensity and rebuild personal autonomy, both of which are crucial when healing from relational hurt.
For the partner who broke the trust, honouring these boundaries is not about earning forgiveness overnight—it’s about showing up consistently in the small, difficult moments. That could mean accepting a slower pace, resisting defensiveness, or being available without pressure.
NAVIGATING THE PUSH-PULL OF RECONNECTION
After trust is broken, it’s common to feel torn—part of you wants closeness, part of you flinches from it. You might crave intimacy but also feel unsafe in its presence.
This ambivalence is normal. One day you may feel hopeful; the next, you may want to run. Instead of seeing this as a sign that the relationship can’t recover, see it as an invitation to slow down. There is no straight line back to connection.
Therapists often refer to this as a "repair cycle"—a process where partners move between distance and closeness while rebuilding their relational rhythm. According to the Relate charity, healthy couples learn to tolerate this emotional wobble without shutting down or escalating conflict.
It’s also worth saying: some relationships will not survive a breach of trust—and that doesn’t mean failure. Sometimes, healing means choosing your own safety and stepping away.
WHEN AND HOW TO SEEK SUPPORT
Working through broken trust is hard, even for couples who love each other deeply. The emotional terrain can feel overwhelming, especially when communication has broken down or old wounds are being reopened.
This is where therapy can be transformative—not because a therapist gives you answers, but because they provide a space where both people are heard without judgement. It allows for accountability without shame, clarity without blame, and direction when everything feels stuck.
At times, individual therapy may also be necessary. The NHS acknowledges that relationship breakdowns can contribute to anxiety, depression, and reduced self-esteem. Support tailored to your emotional wellbeing can be a critical first step before or alongside couples work.
Remember, reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign you value the relationship enough to care for it with intention.
At Manchester Counselling, we recognise that relationships can be complicated—and that healing after trust has been broken takes time, courage, and support. Our therapist-matching service helps you or your partner find the right professional to support your next steps, whether you’re looking for individual counselling or considering couples therapy.
With face-to-face and remote sessions available, we’re here to offer clarity when things feel clouded. Trust may take time to rebuild, but you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Mental Health Foundation. (2023). Healthy Relationships
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